I accidentally had phone sex last night
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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