I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I look better un-naked...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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