his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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