What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
