I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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