All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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