forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
