so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
NoShamevember. You game?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
