I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
