your parents love me but you hate me
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
