if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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