THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
