Can i not drive my cunt home
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just found puke in my bra..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
