K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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