my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
