So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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