He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
