C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
