I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
