so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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