things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
