I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There's always time for handjobs
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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