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Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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