ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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