Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
