We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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