So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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