Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
