oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
