Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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