You work out of a Hotel?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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