It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
