she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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