Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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