Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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