I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize