I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
don't judge my taste in strippers
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
