Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
