Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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