how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
