I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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