Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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