You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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