Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
