So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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