I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
