I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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