sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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