So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
