I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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