if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
