Christians are straight up FREAKS
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
