Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
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