Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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