I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
