I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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