Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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