you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
