I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
