I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
