if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize