We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize