This is not my ceiling
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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